RCMP funeral service eulogy delivered by Steve Dolling, 28 Dec 2006.
Will, we will do our best. Each of us has had the honour of participating in some portion of your life. As we try to stack the pieces back together, the individual blocks that we have each had the privilege of participating in and reconstruct them back into the whole that was your life as we remember it, we will get some things wrong. There will be some pieces in the wrong place, and we will turn some blocks the wrong way around, and we will leave some important ones out. But I'm not worried, because I know you won't hold it against us as that is the kind of guy you are.
There are some common overriding themes that emerge. Will Murray was a great guy, intelligent, compassionate, patient and full of energy and humour. A great friend, brother, son, uncle & godfather, and husband. A completely selfless man and a teacher and leader and a student of life.
Will was born in Oakville Ontario on September 22, 1974 to Ray and Ellen Murray. He was the first of three boys followed two years later by his brother Raymond and three years after that by young Michael.
As a child Will was an exceptional boy. He was quiet, well mannered, respectful and never got into trouble. I know this to be true because his mother Ellen says it is so. It would be easy to dismiss this as the fond, but misguided retrospective of a loving mother. But it's not. Ellen's judgment is not clouded, as she had two other reference points as a baseline from which to evaluate Will's behaviour: Mikey and Raymond. At the very least, we know that compared to his brothers, Will was very well behaved.
His interests were broad ranging. He loved to read and he loved space. So much so that he wanted to be an astronaut. In third grade he was in a split class where the teacher was teaching the fourth graders about space. Will couldn't help himself and kept interrupting to make corrections or add content to the lesson. The teacher became frustrated and suggested to Will that if he knew so much about space, perhaps he should teach the lesson. So of course that's exactly what 8 year old Will did.
Will was smart, scary smart. Some say genius, but never with the modifier "evil". He was an honour student and voracious reader. He read everywhere, under his covers with a flashlight, on the bus to band performances, even while sitting in the stands of a Bluejay's playoff game. Later in life Will would consume 200 books a year. Obviously he read quickly. This would sometimes get him in to trouble. Like when Sarah had spent ages picking the perfect card and agonizing over the words and Will would flip it open as though barely glancing at it and say "Thanks, Babe" absorbing it all at once.
Will was a drummer. Not just a casual drummer as some activity in a band class, no it was much deeper than that, something from within his soul. The drumming manifested itself most notably in his teen years as a member of the Burlington Teen Tour Band. He played both snare and a wicked quad. Tours with the marching band took him all across southern, Ontario, down to Baltimore, Pasadena for the Rose Bowl parade, Hawaii, and as far away as Ireland and Japan. Ultimately, he may have left the marching band behind, but the drummer never left Will. He was known to keep a pair of drum sticks in his patrol car and once in a while, late on a quiet evening, his steering wheel would become a snare.
And there was something about that red band uniform…
Will played football and soccer and ran cross country. He was on the high school debate team and deeply immersed in Dungeons and Dragons as teenager.
Family was huge for Will. He shared a close bond with his brothers. He was their mentor, their teacher, and the chief threat to their physical well being. But he was also the great defender and on more than one occasion had to step in and provide some physical realignment to bullies targeting young Ray who didn't share Will's restraint to open his mouth.
Every summer for years the boys would go with their mother and father to camp Carsons at Sauble Beach on the shores of lake Huron. It was here that they stretched out on their own and snuck out of their tents late at night to go to the beach. And the boys had a code between them, they stuck together, defended one another, and exercised their own discipline. And for Will their was ritual at camp. He didn't merely set up a tent, he established a base with a perimeter, and marked it with the Canadian flag. To Ray and Mikey, Will was Captain Canada.
Will was greatly blessed to have the huge influence of his parents Ray and Ellen as he formed his own set of rock solid values that would guide him through life. Love and caring and compassion. A sense of honour, duty, commitment and hard work. They are special parents whose influence we have all felt just through knowing Will.
At the age of 17, to the surprise of mom and dad, Will signed up for the army reserves. He loved the army, the training, the responsibility, the hard work and the sense of duty for his country. He was particularly fond of winter training exercises and camping in the snow. Hardship was not a hardship for Will. But his favourite thing to do was to plan and execute demolitions. He loved to blow things up.
Will had a commanding physical presence and an intellect that ensured he would rarely use it even his line of work. An expert marksman. He received an award for long range shooting. Will was absolutely the kind of guy you would never want to mess with, but he would never leave anyone with that impression.
University was the time of great awakening for Will. As Sarah says, "I don't think Will knew what a cool guy he was until his university years." His mother and father never imposed strict limits on Will, but once he hit the gates of MacMaster, the limits he imposed on himself were greatly relaxed.
He discovered beer kegs and their true purpose and had his eyes opened to a broader world and a universe of like minded people and opposite minded people and contributed greatly to the Society for Off Campus Students. He learned to let loose and have fun and discover who he was. His nickname was Head. It was at MacMaster where he met a young woman named Sarah West. More on that later.
As we look around the room at the red serge, it would seem a word or two about Wills career with the RCMP would be in order.
Will left MacMaster and went for training at Depot in Regina in 1996. He was also keen to explore a career in the military, but there was something about that red uniform. His first posting was in Burnaby and more recently he moved to the Integrated National Security Enforcement Team.
Will loved being on the Force and particularly his new job in the INSET. I was a good friend, but a civilian nonetheless, so Will never made it a habit of sharing with me what he did from day to day. I always assumed that he was pretty much like Jack Bauer on 24. Yes it was pretty much like that he confirmed, with a lot more paperwork.
His colleagues have a more accurate view. From Staff Seargant Brian MacDonald, Will's boss at INSET.
I had the good fortune to work with Will twice in my career. I first met him when he was transferred to Burnaby uniform duties. His street sense and ability to work with all walks of life was immediately evident. He was quick to identify the element of concern to the general public and began to interact with them. He was well liked by all who worked with him. He was one of those rare persons of whom I never heard anyone say anything bad about.
While speaking with our Staffing section I saw Will's name as a person who was available for a transfer to INSET. I immediately told Staffing that I wanted Will. I was very fortunate to have someone of Will's calibre come to my team.
When Will arrived everyone recognized what a great member he was. All of the managers knew that Will was a high performer who had a bright future with the Force. Will was the go to guy for any complicated assignment. Whether it was an internet investigation or an international incident that involved treaties and legal documents Will was there to get the job done.
Will was the bravest man I knew. He never complained. I remember one day Will had dropped by to advise me of his health issues. He described his issues and in the next breath we were talking about investigations.
Will is a great loss to the RCMP. We will always miss him.
I could not possibly discuss Will without talking about Sarah. Everyone could tell that Will was head over heels in love with Sarah. It was evident not only from the pictures at his desk but the way he smiled whenever he spoke about her. It was obviously a two way street. During Will's illness I was fortunate to have the opportunity to visit Will. I saw Sarah at his side every day. I have told my three daughters about the complete devotion Sarah had for Will and held her up as an example of what it means to be in love. May God bless them both.
And his good friend and colleague Scott Isaac who trained with Will and worked with him at Burnaby and INSET had wonderful things to say about Will's fit in the counter-terrorism business and skills and professionalism on the job. The one word Scott uses to describe Will is "inspiring". Here are a few of Scott's comments.
He was an outstanding police officer and was very proud to be a member of the RCMP.
Aside from his talents as a police officer, Will was a hero to me for the simple fact that there was never a day that I have known him that he complained about anything. He never griped about the lousy hand he was dealt with his illness or the obvious pain he was in or the long hours that we endured during investigations. It is for these reasons that I will always think of Will as one of the most inspirational persons I have ever known. I will miss him greatly. I will miss his duck like walk and his coolness. But most of all, I will miss that positive feeling that everyone gained through knowing Will.
Will did liaison work with the schools while in Burnaby. Even the those kids he arrested thought he was a great guy. He never abused his power and treated everyone with respect as a fellow human. The Optimist club in Burnaby recognized his work awarding him Law Enforcement Officer of the Year in 2001.
For Will there was strong moral code. There were white hats and black hats, but not a lot of grey hats.
Will was a fearsome squash player. I don't mean to imply that he was a good squash player. I mean to say that I feared bodily injury whenever we stepped on the court. He enjoyed poker and golf. But his passion was football. He was a robust supporter of Sarah in her pursuit of a masters degree, mostly for what it would do for Sarah, but in large measure because it kept her busy on Sunday afternoons so he could watch the games.
So these are some of the chronology and memories of Will Murray and some are beautiful or touching or fill in the some of the blocks that we don't know as individuals, but they don't go to the heart of who was Will Murray and what was it that went on inside his head that made him a beautiful person just to be around. I can't make those words up and no one seems able to express it perfectly. But we're fortunate.
Will was a writer and poet. He has left us with more direct glimpses into his heart. His words are better than yours or mine. He published his own book for friends and family called Freedom Whale. Sandwiched between quotations from Bob Marley and Martin Luther King Jr. are a few dozen of Will's poems. The book is dedicated to his Mom, Dad, Ray and Mike and to Sarah and Mike Oullette his lifelong friend. Here is one called The Ride.
Many will shake their heads
as I proceed
thinking in hushed voices,
the fool.
They'll watch me as I stumble
into and out of fire laced hallways
with grim determination
never terminating stubbornness
asking their existence,
what is he doing.
My friends will unmovingly shake their heads
and watch as
I par my courses of life
preparing
to lend me the hand they have before
as I will inevitable
fall from my toothpick perch
Contrary to popular opinion
that which seems obvious
I am fully aware of
the cliffs that loom
and the tiger that lies in wait
While I may not
comprehend this danger that awaits
I know that there is danger in the ride
but the ride is the thing
that I lust after
The ride made of steel emotion
and riveted together with events
The ride which some enjoy watching
and many strap into seats to partake in
but the ride that few have
found enjoyment in
For to understand the ride
one must enjoy not only the rush
but the sickly feeling of
your stomach
sitting above your heart
For not only do the connoisseurs
find the excitement in the highs
but in the lows and inbetweens
We all take the ride
sometimes in fleeting moments
other instances in long never ending trails
With time all appreciate
to make all the rides we take worth while
I have decided to find the joy of
uncontrolled fate
and runaway life
when it occurs
and not in the stories of my elder days
and I will continue
to take the ride
and hope you will continue
to help me when I crash
and to cry with me
when the pain of jarring stops
shoots through accustomed spine
and to jump for joy
as I fly by
at breakneck speed
and to laugh as we tell
the stories of the rides that
almost didn't end
that never started
and especially to laugh
at the ride of fate
that we only laugh at
as we ride it.
We are particularly blessed because Will left behind an instruction manual. A treatise on how to live correctly. This was written years ago and I don't know where the wisdom came from in such a young man, but it's relevant and timely brings us closer to Will's heart Here are a few excerpts:
No matter what someone else thinks do what you think is right most of the time it will turn out to be the correct path to choose. People will always laugh and talk behind your back for things you do in your own way, but ignore the armchair quarterbacks they aren't even watching the same game. …
When you go to someone for advice find someone who listens a lot and doesn't offer any ideas, you already know the answer to your problems you just need to say it out loud to realize this. I've always got the best advice from my dog…
The best friends in your life don't judge you they just enjoy being along with you for your escapades, and vice versa. On the subject of friends, never trust a friend that laughs at all your jokes or thinks everything you do, say and or believe is right. In a bind always stand by you're friends they are worth it.
Find yourself a best enemy, no life is complete without an archrival who's presence you'd miss. If you don't know what a best enemy is you don't have one go out and find you one…
Talking of the past, learn what the past is, it's over, the future is the only thing you have control of. Don't try to relive the past use your experiences to form guidelines and live the future with these. By the way these guidelines aren't written in stone and constantly change and go with it.
There is nothing comparable to falling in love or out of it, broken hearts heal, go on and find love again…
When you're really mad take a deep breath before speaking it will save you having to dine on your shoe or on crow.
Say what you mean, people will often dislike it but they will respect you.
Don't ever start something that isn't worthwhile, and never avoid a challenge, you learn more from bruises than from victory laps.
Listen to music. The kind doesn't matter.
It isn't how much power you have it's how happy you are.
Take U2's advice learn how to talk without speaking, cry without weeping and especially scream without raising your voice. Watch people for silent screams these usually occur when they need the most help.
Assist at least one old lady across the road, it's worth the experience.
Have pride in something other than yourself once in while, just a suggestion, your country is a good choice. Stand tall, don't talk, take off your hat and learn the words to your national anthem, you may not believe in it but someone does.
Be afraid of something, it keeps you humble.
Smile, it helps, you and others.
Most of all be you, cause remember THE BEATINGS WILL CONTINUE UNTIL MORALE IMPROVES.
I think as Will faced down his disease, there is another word we would be tempted to add to the list of superb qualities that we already ascribe to Will: courage. He very much believed that he was fighting an enemy and his writings directly to his cancer drew upon a rich palette of words that would make his mother blush. Let's just say he had no fondness for cancer.
But Will would utterly dismiss any notion of courage in his fight. He was simply living life fully and had the wisdom to realize that whatever hand he was dealt in life he ultimately had the choice and the power to choose each day how we wanted to live regardless of it what constraints might be imposed upon him. You only need only have had your butt kicked in a hockey pool or dropped in for a grey cup party to realize that even life in an intensive care unit didn't slow Will down all that much.
Will had heroes that he looked up to for guidance, not so much in how to fight his cancer, but how to make the absolute best out of life in spite of the disease. Heroes are often wise, but not always old. Eleven year old Spencer Dolling and his brother Foster are here with us today. And I think that the hero thing is a two way street, Will.
So courage in the context of fighting his disease might be out. But that's not to say that Will is a man without courage. He had more than most. Will wouldn't hesitate to go and to buy an article of clothing or shoes as a gift for Sarah. He would boldly march into the fashion world and with good taste, would more often than not, get it right. Most of us men only dream of that kind of courage. And women admired Will while the rest of us did our best to disguise our jealousy.
At the time Will compiled Freedom Whale, he dedicated it in part to Sarah who he identified as his fellow caffeine freak. And they were. They were buddies through university. They had legendary coffee sessions until wee hours of the morning at Tim Hortons where they would solve all the problems of the world. And over time "fellow caffeine freak" elevated to "romantic interest" and "lover" and "wife" and "soul mate" and "passionate advocate" and of course always and most importantly "best friend in the world" And once again I'm utterly at a loss for words to describe the incredible connection and bond between Will and Sarah, the affection they shared and their profound love for one another.
So once again Will is going to save my butt and rescue me with his words that are a fitting close.
It's a poem that Will wrote for Sarah during his time at Depot, that important crossroads in his life where he made his most important and best decisions. One of which he captured in his journal this way: "I will marry Sarah West. Any Questions?" (My guess is Sarah had her say in the matter before that beautiful day in May 2000). Anyway, here it is:
If I were blind
I'd let you be my eyes.
If I no longer
was able
to hear
I'd let you translate
for I could understand
from simply the
way your mouth turned
and eyes glitter.
If I couldn't speak
I'd allow you
to express the
volumes inside me.
And now that I love
I trust you
with my soul.
And so it is Will. Your soul is entrusted with Sarah. And that's a trust well founded and eternal. And with God. And thank you Will. Thank you for having a soul and spirit large enough that there are generous portions left for us all to share in.