FREEDOM WHALE

"Won't you help to sing, these songs of freedom. Cuz all I ever have... redemption songs."
          -Bob Marley

a collection of words by;
           Willem Murray

FREEDOM DAY

On a hope,
and on a prayer.
Not quite here
and not yet there

Straddling fences
walking razors edge
stand on sky scrapers
and dance on the ledge

Stride into the fire
and see through the mist
shut your eyes
hand clenched in a fist

Hold on desperately
to a single time
watch the figures dance
all coloured and lined

Music raises loud
and beat comes stronger
let the sound push you
and stretch arms longer

Spread your wings apart
and take to flight
soar for the three moons
and reach new height

Take the world
meld it in your own way
hold on to that moment
for that is freedom day.

HEY JANE

Hey Jane,
what's going on?
Upstairs, past the round turn staircase.
Found the answer?
in yourself
Seen the light,
I know you have
but captured it,
understood it,
don't think you can...
yet.
Cause you gotta understand
the light
ain't the red she saw,
or the green your momma told you about
it isn't the blue
that surrounds me
or is it?
Why don't you tell me
I know you can
if you stop to study it
Cause it's in you,
I've seen it,
or have I?
Don't worry what colour it is,
worry that you won't let
anyone see it.
I've hid it,
and I still do,
on occasion
Showing it is the challenge,
I give you.

Black Blood

That which is scripted onto parchment
is that which requires hard work
organization, thought, and diligence.
But not all that is not immortalized
in blue blood and black water
is useless
It just takes a little more effort to find
For it rattles around in grey mush
caged by calcium spheres.
A disorganized place.
So listen,
for the truth that exists
in the many coloured spheres of life.
For too often we ignore it,
the simple sound that is the truth
the quiet squeaks that is a soul.
Cries given umbrellas
by blue water and black blood,
Blue water and black blood.

REGIMENT

I stood on the ridge and looked over the plain
As the enemy formed their lines glaring my way
ten deep and two score wide
a mass of men, a wall of woes
and I gripped tighter to my rifle
and lightly my finger caressed the trigger,
as if my digits could feel the battle about to mount
So I stood alone and looked across the plain
and they began to march
closer they came
seemingly growing bigger with each advancing pace
growing and moving, moving and growing
and I knew that I must stay
for there was nowhere to run
and nowhere to hide
So I stood to face the onslaught
And as they neared I could make out faces
Filed with a loathing for me and the colours that painted me
and they neared, pace by pace
their steps drums announcing the armageddon
And I waited, and I watched,
and trembled in my shadow
for he was the only other I'd seen taking the field
Bringing my rifle to shoulder
I took careful aim
And my finger steadied
ready to signal my own demise
and it tensed,
the guns burst a cloud of smoke and the roar of volleys
and I closed my eyes
waiting for the sting of hot lead
but only silence greeted me
and carefully I cracked an eye
and gazed along the slope,
and stood dumfounded as my enemies lie
stooped in the shadow of the rider of the pale horse
only then did I turn and examine my rear
there stood a regiment and a half
their guns smoking their eyes reflecting a fierce pride
and a young private strode forward
and said...
we came because we saw you on the hill
and I realized how lucky I was to have men like these
willing to stand with me.

Soul Burps

Deep inside emotions bubble and monsoon feelings rage.
Collecting together they tumble through grey matter like pinballs trapped under glass.
There they sit and there they rage,
trapped by lockjaw mouths and the fear of naked exposure.
But on occasion courage multiplies and we allow bits of this nameless substance escape.
Like vicious fluid it creeps forth,
through mouths, transferred into ink drying on parchment and seeping from music constructing fingers.
Coating all who it reaches, and leaving a lifetime residue.
so we become stained by someones' soul.

I would like to thank those who have shared these soul burps with me.
For the residue has coated the innards of my brain,
and created vivid memories of you.
For you have shown the courage to share a piece of yourself with me.
Which has become a part of my life.

AUTUMN

The time that I thought lost
returned on soft confident tread
Turing to my direction
and blowing softly across quilted metal
in response to my beckoning

Dressed in soft petals
and black fighting white
your approach sent a quiet sound
rustling past my being
and even though I didn't know
what I wanted
or what I desired
you gave it to me

The gift wasn't a sacrifice
to your quiet existence
No more than a droplet in the lake of your time
A fleeting fun
in a metal tower

And I slowly rocked
surrounded by silky brown grass
entwined in white branches
moving slowly to the sound of the lightning crashes
Intently listening to the wind brush across my ear

As blood moved faster
my brain moved in quicksilver pace,
even though thought disappeared.
Emotion gripped hermit like being
and awoke it
making me reremember the time I once knew

Time slowed and actions hurried
feelings warmed, and I drifted deeper
but before I became lost entirely
in the comfortable blackness of you
You awoke me with a gentile whisper
no louder than a distant birds cry

Awoke me
alive
Awoke me
feeling
awoke me
free of my self imposed shackles
awoke me
feeling my soul shake off its grey colour
Awoke Me

The Ride

Many will shake their heads
as I proceed
thinking in hushed voices,
the fool.

They'll watch me as I stumble
into and out of fire laced hallways
with grim determination
never terminating stubbornness
asking their existence,
what is he doing.

My friends will unmovingly shake their heads
and watch as
I par my courses of life
preparing
to lend me the hand they have before
as I will inevitable
fall from my toothpick perch

Contrary to popular opinion
that which seems obvious
I am fully aware of
the cliffs that loom
and the tiger that lies in wait

While I may not
comprehend this danger that awaits
I know that there is danger
in the ride I take
but the ride is the thing
that I lust after

The ride of made of steel emotion
and riveted together with events
The ride which some enjoy watching
and many strap into seats to partake in
but the ride that few have
found enjoyment in
For to understand the ride
one must enjoy not only the rush
but the sickly feeling of
your stomach
sitting above your heart
For not only do the connoisseurs
find the excitement in the highs
but in the lows and inbetweens

We all take the ride
sometimes in fleeting moments
other instances in long never ending trails
With time all appreciate
to make all the rides we take worth while

I have decided to find the joy of
uncontrolled fate
and runaway life
when it occurs
and not in the stories of my elder days

and I will continue
to take the ride
and I hope you will continue
to help me when I crash
and to cry with me
when the pain of jarring stops
shoots through accustomed spine
and to jump for joy
as I fly by
at breakneck speed
and to laugh as we tell
the stories of the rides that
almost didn't end
that never started
and especially to laugh at
the ride of fate
that we will only laugh at
as we ride it.

Where You Bin

Touching the face
from crown to chin
trying in a touch
to find where you bin

Staring at blank looks
searching your eyes
Looking into a world
left undeciphered by the wise

Sucked in and thrust father
I want to back tread
but to do so
is not to safe harbour

I yearn for the secret
you have hidden behind those globes
Of natures powers
and the truths still untold

Where is the key I seek
to have a glance
into the being
which holds me in silent trance

For I can not tell you
when I will find
in us that thing I seek
the secret which so binds

What I Care To Do

Today I don't care
if you don't approve
today I don't care
if they say I'm crazy
or that I drink too much
or that I have no destination
except nowhere

Today I don't care
if they think she's wrong for me
today I don't care
to meat my perfect match
or my ultimate foe

Today I don't care
that they talk behind my back
today I don't care
if I commit the fashion faupas
or if I look like the rest

Today I don't care
if the music I listen to
is jazz
rock
alternative
dance
or even the blues

Today I don't care
if I win
or if I'm destined to fail
the tests they have written for me
without my knowledge
today I don't care
to know the letters and numbers
which indicate my intelligence
or my ignorance

Today I don't care to know
if I was the best I ever was
today I don't care if someone else
scored higher
ran faster
or shot better

Today I don't care
if i'm single
or if I'm attached to another
today I don't care
to follow you like an unweaned baby
or to shun you like a leper

Today I don't care
what the newest prophet shouts
through the air
and into my little container
today I don't care
what they are condemning
or what is the newest cause
for it will change by tomorrow

Today I don't care
if I'm the war hero
or the traitor
today I don't care
to know my station in life
or if I've contributed to the GNP

Today I don't care
to know your predictions on the future
for it's as foggy to you as it
is misty to me
today I don't care
to read my horoscope
or the fortune cookie

For today I care
to lift a cold brew
and smile in everyone�s general direction
today I care to
listen to loud music
and watch faces pass me
with a thousand different masks

Today I care
to be in your presence
for no particular reason
except to live the basic bond
we share
today I care to
kiss you jokingly on the cheek
and hug you with the ferocity
of my interior

Today I care to celebrate
for no reason at all
and for every reason we can think of
today I care
to find little answers
in big problems
I'll ignore anyways

Today I care
to dance
to sing
to find
to hold
to free
to yell
to scream
to listen
to answer
to beat
to breathe
to feel
to touch
to understand
and to live.

and to live!

Freedom Whale

White encased in aged blackness
A silent testimony to being
With movement that rises
from the water to the clear lightning painted sky
The shadow that twirls and raises
to it's inner tune
Heedless to the noise around her
With unmistakable screams
we don't hear
but we see
she strives to share
the beast that within writhes

Freedom!

With a white capped wake
she hurls from the deep
allowing a glimpse
of a dew coloured body
and shimmering moon shine skin
revelling in

Freedom!

A slide and rain of water globules
She descends again into her ocean
Returning to her self contained water world
And we wait without breath
watching for the eddies
that whirlpool through liquid
Sight contained warnings
of the next instance
she will emerge
and share her own personal

Freedom!

And I wonder
where is the decoder ring
that will allow me to finally
fully understand
her

Freedom!

Times

There are times
when your mind screams
"don't do it!"

There are times
that wisdom tells us
"don't try it"

There are times
logic deems the deed
"impossible"

There are times
when advice warns us to
"stay away"

There are times
everyone says
"it's improbable!"

And there are times when you look at it all
and your heart says
"fuck them."

And you do it anyways
Because something inside you says
"maybe."

In Response

In response to your question
you do make me nervous
you do make me wonder
you do make me smile
you do make me worry
you do make me paranoid
and I love every second of it.

The Hopeless Fool I am

As I sat on your bed
tensions raged through my insides
as if simply being in your room
meant that I wanted to posses you
then and there

Awkward idle banter,
forced conversations
quick glances in your direction
trying to asses your face, your body
in second casual like glances

Planned casual brushes
hand across face
half a massage and fingers touch yours
for a moment too long.
My new feelings seem to flow
through my finger prints
as if one can casually grip another hand
but not too long
was it too long?
did I tell you too much?
were you telling me something?

Silent breaks as we reach for
new subjects general enough to discuss
no innuendo, hinted uttered
those are the rules
I know them well
still I do not follow them
leaving hints, unspecific
a trail of bread crumbs
will you follow them?
are they obvious enough
against the multicolored
forest floor?

I ponder what spurred
the strange tension I suddenly feel
why do I suddenly feel like
I have been warped to twelve
unsure and voice differentiating
Where is logic going
and why don't I miss him.

You catch me staring at your face
I catch you staring back
suddenly I feel too close and too far away
all at once.
A second of decision and I back away.
Did I want to go forward.

A man in a grey suit has just
pointed out to me the
flood waters rising
and the trouble with booking a passage
at this time of year.

I stand,
stammer coffee
receive a fierce hug
return it
affirming nothing and telling everything
Are you feeling me out
I'm trying to figure the instructions
to the brunette with the cute cheeks
why are the instructions in Latin

I yearn for more than your embrace
I want more than just the physical
I want the constant
I want the conquest
I realize the impossibility
and enjoy the reality and strangeness of the current.
And plan apart from where the grey haired
black suited man resides
Plan for the future
like the hopeless fool I am.

The Stone

The invisible man
has taken the well worn chisel
and sharpened it again
He picked up the hammer
and softly blew away the webs
never stirring the spider

The table that sat
laden with earthen wear bottles
was cleared
and sticky pools
of wine washed away

For a rock has been found

The rock stared at him
as he stumbled along
an aging mossy path
somewhere near his domicile
but far from his home

He had seen rock such as these
handled them in a way people
reserve for roses
and found that he could
once in a while
mould and chisel
until an artwork appeared

And now a new stone
rests on an old bench
that has seen many a stone
turn from a lump of the earth
into a shape
soft to everything
but the touch
and into dust again
as he pushed too far
in search of perfection

The table wonders
how much dirt
this stone must shed
to become what is wanted
how and if
the stone will eventually
be nothing but the
dirt form which it came.

Existence

A hill of green
sweeps upwards
turning and dipping
growing towards the horizon

reaching to touch
purple orange sky
and the summer moon
visible in the twilight
shrouded by darkening veils
that try to conceal beauty
but only accent the time
accenting light in their dark being

Gods breath finds it way
through long stalks
that bend in submission
of that which is greater
a gentile power

Aged wood tendrils
lift from the grass
like hands
of long lost friends
waving hello again
in familiar pose

And the tree stands and watches it all
like it has done
like it does
like it will continue to do
shaped by forces that
nudge its haphazard branches
in eclectic patterns
towards the windward sides
in higher spirit

I once may have known
where on my map
this place was
now I need not find it again
not today
for belief in its existence
is all I require

someday I will return
unaided by the folded parchment
in wrinkled denim
hidden in the forest of lint
I will simply turn my face into
the awakening wind
and walk with eyes closed
towards the shore
that exists if only to me.

Inside

Inside
saltwater pools stagnate
spilling into
moss covered rivers
that run only underground
lost in the maze that they declare

Behind the walls
bleeding nails scrape
leaving red lines
on grey canvas

Under the grave stones
a body
skeleton white
absence of the stench
of flesh falling from bone

Through the whirlpool
a rowboat turns
with increasing madness
searching for the
way home

In the asylum
the madman screams
echoes off of
rubber walls
mercy, help
a wanting freedom

Somewhere in solitary
the mortar has cracked
and a pinhole
of light
directs the way out.

Just Wondering

Do you fear
that which I am
because I'm not the being
you hate

Do you know
with each turn
of your rubix cube
I become more interested
in the solution

Do you notice
that you have accidentally
left the combination
to the lock box
in your essence doodles

Do you want
to take advantage
in the chink
in my mail suit
for I won't fix it
for prides sake.

Do you see
that no matter
what the lights say
at the end
my scoreboard will
tell me I'm pitching
a shutout

Do you realize
I want the solution
to the formula
but not before I've
manipulated all the variables

Do you fear
me
because your mirrors
much like mine
aren't reflecting as well
as they have before
in the past.

Hurts Like

Hold your hand over the candle
let the light flick across your skin
shadows crossing wrinkle valleys
hurts don't it
not really, just burns.

Run your hand down the razor
like leather strap and wet stone
watch red rivers come to life in your palm
hurts sort of
not really, just cuts deep.

Slam the hammer into your finger
feel hand merge with surface
and be denied by density
hurts in a way
not really, just crushes.

Propel the rusty nail through your foot
watch the point enter and exit
wonder if it dragged anything from inside
hurts for a second
not really, just pierces.

Beat you head against the brick wall
try to force it through the barrier
looking for cracks with your cranium
hurts and swells
not really, just acts blunt.

Look into the sun
feel aged light burn into your cornea
leaving purple spots instead of vision
hurts to do
not really, just blinds.

Listen to the roar up close
know the shock waves rattle your brain
bouncing thoughts through your skull
hurts like a bitch
not really, just deafens.

Feel for the one you cant have
as your soul tries to capture sprite being
tempting fate to rip your person apart
hurts like nothing else
but it will heal.

HUH?!?

I deny freedom
to the beast within
for it has never
met in agreement with
the painting that I hung
above the mantle piece.

Seconds of insanity
are quickly covered
by burlap bags
that are quickly wearing thin
as the century lengthens
towards the birth of Christ

Grey marble
coats my epitaph
black stone
my sarcophagus
and white ebony the dice
that have seven sides
Would everyone place their bets.

A brown bottle
has become lodged
in the airway of my
friend,
Anyone have a corkscrew
or maybe better a shoe horn
thanks Santa.

The girl with the frown
has turned herself upright
and found that the grass
is actually the sky
and a wonderful shade
of blue

A horn sounds in the distance
calling the ants to work
with sad, happy expressions
and large pick axes
with their unyielding
rubber tips

I wonder if the trip
I once took
will return to me
baggage and all
maybe even with a boarding pass
for the remembered

His heart is acting
as it always had
but to him
and the evening news
it seems that he now
is a bit more like
the martyr
who's name I can't recall

I really don't know
what this poem is about
just a collage of
half developed predictions
and misty recollections
of the future and the past

Where the hell did you put
the present man?

Today, Yesterday, Tomorrow

I am tired of asking questions
cuz I ain't got any answers
that I haven't already known

Tomorrow I will make a statement
a thing that will make people
listen up
and enlighten the lives of those
who don't own colour lives
or small puppies
that have soft feet

Yesterday I will find
the ultimate truth
to the way which
to properly put together
a stereo
without having to decipher instructions

Today I have found
that which I required yesterday
or maybe that which I will need
in my elder years
Or when I finally have a fishtank

Someday I will
I have
I can
ask the question
that I don't know

The Beasts and The Air Currents

Pair of twirling silver balls
reflect your portrait
Image from all sides
even though only essence is present
Caught in the middle
where two rose inspired faces
meet in an imaginary kiss
my feelings create the axis
of the maelstrom
Spinning themselves
in a whirlpool
trapped between the two faced mirrors
they call to me
asking to be set free
echoing in my head
with force that scares my soul
and feeds my intellect.
Logic builds a wall
that passion is tearing down
with sledgehammers that would destroy
rock, stone or diamond
even the mental blocks I erect
driven on by a face in a silver ball.
The horror of feeling
runs through a valley
trying to find exit
from the surrounding hills
tiring it stops
and turns to face
the beast which is not faceless
but rather who's' silhouette is
burned into my memory
and my present.
And even though I don't know how to fly
I have leapt from the cliff
alone for now
you left standing at the edge
watching my flight
struggling with the fear of ages yourself
the beast that you know
and I only have heard of.
So know I plummet hoping that
emotion is enough to grow me wings
while you battle the past in an effort to
test the air currents with me.

Short Circuit

What i wish
is to possess
you
and the thoughts
that bounce through
your skull
reflecting off
beautiful orbs.
Do those eyes
hide the truth
do you want me
or even better yet
how do you want me
to act
to be
to define
to act
For now I do act
like the untalented
shakespearean
overbearing
and anything
but lifelike
for even the poorly constructed
mask I wear
will hide that
which I feel
from you
and if I still possess luck
from myself
cuz I fear the way
which your body
and your mind
short circuit
my self control chip
leaving me
in a form to raw
to control
I fear you
because
of the way you make
me feel.

Want To Go For Coffee

Good bye Sarah
back to friendship we head
the way you desired
the train to go
for a little while now
Why didn't I know
guess I'm just stupid
or ignorant to your ways
don't worry
I can't figure out any other females
either
don't think I ever will
I knew that this felt
all too familiar
all to well known
I knew that I'd stepped
in this particular pile
of dung before
What did you want
just sex
Could have gotten that easier
guess it's only
the things that are
hard to get
that you want
I've noticed that about women.
Goodbye Sarah
see you tomorrow
same time
same channel
old program
guess you didn't like
the pilot
don't worry
the show we lived before
was highly successful
and loved by all
even me.
I'll tune in again.
Maybe I'll
entertain the thought
that there was more to this
than tab A
and slot B
after all
you have little reason to lie
and if that's true
why did you run
did I fart
Sorry Sarah
you don't deserve this poem
but you're just
the latest
who's eyes
I've seen a little too long
only to have them scream
like I was Fankenstiens beast
It isn't you
its just life
I want to yell at
but life isn't a person
and it doesn't have
ears
or beautiful blue eyes
like you
I guess I'll always
silently dream
even
in a few
when few of the
feelings I have now
exist for you.
except friendship
Thanks for putting up with this
I wrote it to you
because I know
you wont stay mad too long...
want to go for coffee
buds?

Ace Of Spades

I never knew that success could
hurt in such a vivid way
i never thought that i�d
find a woman like you
in a person like you
but i've learned
and my soul now tells me that
if all fate has planned
happens like it's
dictated
I will not only feel
the exuberance of victory
but the suffer of defeat
For once again
the cartoon safe
has dropped upon me
this time
finding a new target
crushing three
instead of the forever duo
For the first time
I see the shadow
of the hundred tonnes
as it plummets towards
a no longer unsuspecting victim
The three pronged lady
has shown me four aces.
Still I hope that the last card i hold
is the ace of spades
she already holds
For with that piece of luck
i will hold the flush
straight and royal
to win the pot
and the girl who
not only I love
but in her silence
professes her feelings
for a looser like me.

People at the Crossroads

Somehow
a group of people
wandered into each others lives
lovers, enemies
but essentially friends
a group that has
through fates roads
met each other at the crossroads
where lives directions
are decided
this has not been the time
to turn around
for even if we go backwards
the scenery has changed
apartment buildings
have been
been created in the fields of our youth
that only exist in our memories
each of which
are different in their own way
but somehow similar
and as I'm forced off this throughway
onto a busier highway
I wonder who
will remain on the same path as me
and who will
be only contacted
on the cellular phone
that rings in my mind
I shall always
remember the cars
that you rode in
Robs Chevette
and Digs tempo.
I now no longer am part of a convoy
or lead a line of headlights
as we meet and part
at a four way stop
I now continue on
but only after receiving a boost
from the people at the crossroads.

That Which Is Undefined

That which I fear is no beast
no horns protrude from angry face
no one screams and runs
but me.

That which I worry about has no form
it cannot be defined
and I couldn't tell you if it is
bigger than a bread box or smaller
than the vessel which holds it.

That which I cannot comprehend
has never been defined by
anyone I know
or explained by the scholars theories
that I have read.

I do not know
what it is that scares me so
except to say that it is
not too far into the future
and that it is
comprised of the seconds that
make up
that which will be my past
in the later of my being.

The Hopeless One

Last night I had a dream
about a person who had no hope
about a person without a vision
about a person who did not have
the want to exist
in the world around him

Such a demure being he was
a weak twig in a strong breeze
a lost foal who never knew a mother
or seen the green fields
that lie over a tiny mound

Still I didn't feel sorrow
for the solitary figure
I couldn't bring myself to
comfort his bullet ridden
soul

For it was his own hand that has caused
the hurt
for it was he who struck the blow
that caused the demise of hope,
demise of future
for it was he who has
committed suicide of the soul

Because he had allowed
the one thing that he required
to exist to run away
never to return

He had let go of all
the hope and faith he once had
and I can not
feel sorry for a
person without faith
the hopeless person.

The Odds

Not in the numbers ?
only on a cold day in
a hundred to one odds
never in a million years.

You think ?

Tell you what.

Bet on the long shot
cheer for the underdog
and watch the little guy
gets the last laugh
cuz.

Hope has arrived in town
and faith is better in overtime.

Accept

I don't require a promise
that you will
wait to see
the trailers before the movie ends
I wont promise to return
for the odds
tell me that
the back to back
isn't likely
or even possible
in most minds
but not always this one.
I ask not for a promise
but for a little thing
that is probably
a diamond
compared to simple carbon vows.
I ask that
you will entertain
hope with me
for if anything
this bond between us
has taught me
it is that
the future is not going
to go as I planned
but that isn't
a bad thing
it is simply the truth
and that I can accept.